Monday, May 29, 2006

Elusive Dreams

Follow your dream. Isn't that what we're told to do by celebrities, self-help books, and optimists everywhere? I've said it before, and I've even believed it. But as you might have noticed from an earlier blog entry, it's harder to do it than to say it. I followed my dream of writing epic fantasy--have followed it for the past eight years and more, but I'm still not "there" yet.

I followed my dream, and it ran from me. I will finish the last book in my fantasy trilogy; I love it still, and it still holds the same allure for me that it always has. I love the characters, the insights on the human condition, the complexity of the relationships, and the world itself. I love the risks I've taken, the patterns I've woven together, all of it. But to my knowledge, it still hasn't sold. Epic fantasy continues to be a hard sell according to more than one agent blog I've read recently, and, sadly, according to my own agent as of the last time we spoke on the phone. I love epic fantasy. But even though I will finish the trilogy and leave it with Bob until someone wants to buy it, it seems that I might have to change genres slightly in order to break in.

That's where urban fantasy comes in. It was never my dream to write it, nor even to read it, but I'm hooked on at least two UF series now and willing to explore more. In fact, I'm compiling a to-be-read list that should serve as serious education about what's already out there. Armed with that knowledge, it's time to break out of this danged rut and find a way to get more than a toe in the door. It's time to bust the door open, even if I now have to leave my laboriously created world behind and write in the real-world-with-paranormal-elements to do it. Even if my a**-kicking female heroines have to do it in business suits or leather bustiers instead of bliauts and chain mail, I'm ready. I'll do whatever it takes to make that psychic's prediction come true. I may be a bit down, but I'm definitely not out.

If I can't catch my dream by chasing it, maybe I can get it to chase me instead. It works with cats....

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